If you’re like me you are SO over dating apps — how many weirdos can possibly live in the vicinity of a five mile radius? I think I deleted the last of those “let’s go on a bad-idea adventure date” apps in 2013 along with the last guy’s number who I met at a wine bar and then faked I got sick.
But also, meeting guys the old fashioned way — especially in Los Angeles — is anything but easy. I sometimes prefer to stay home and toke a blunt in my Hello Kitty pajama pants and eat cheesy popcorn by myself instead of going out and trying to meet men.
So like, why can’t I just do that with a dude instead of going out on an uncomfortable date? I can, because there’s like, an app for that.
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In fact, there’s an entire app for people who want to meet and get high together — aptly called, High There! Its functionality is very similar to Tinder: swipe right to move to the next, hit the giant “High There” button in the middle if you like what you see. And then if you end up with a match, it will open a chat for y’all to discuss if you prefer Indica or Sativa followed by long walks on the beach.
I tried the app myself and found a pic of a guy we’ll call “Jake” who legit looked like a stock photo — or at the very least, an acting headshot that had been face tuned to perfection. After matching with “Jake” — I sent him a message. His “Story” on his page mentioned he’d like to “find a smoking buddy, — one that is fun to smoke with and make out with would be a huge bonus.” So I figured like, hopefully he likes Hello Kitty pajama pants, right?
After no response for 24 hours, I just flat out asked if if he was a bot just here to confuse me — but instead I got a very bot-like response, “Oh Hi there! Sorry it took me so long to respond, I never match with anyone on here.” Insert eye roll. I’d like to say that after I demanded a face time to prove “Jake” was a real person — he has not responded to my humble request. TBH, I’m still hoping there will be some sort of proof before this story publishes so that there some sort of pay off to reading this. I’d also like to tell “Jake” I super lied about my age. Whoops.
Perhaps my favorite thing about this dating app, is that instead of the classic dick pics you’d expect on any other app, these guys mostly take selfies with their biggest blunts of all time. So you can still judge by size, if you’re into that. You might find an occasional beach pic, but there are also a lot of shots of agricultural weed gardens to gander, you know, in the case one of your deal breakers is that your significant other must have a green thumb or whatevs.
Another bonus, is that people’s usernames are kinda hilarious. Some faves include: 420foLife and PNappleXprss. I also have an appreciation for people who list how they celebrate 420 — in case it’s outside the norm of leaving cookies out for Snoop Dogg. I’m still swiping right for now, but fingers crossed I’ll find a dude who’s into organically rolled Lowell Indica smokes, cheesy popcorn and of course, my Hello Kitty pajamas.
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